The Amazing Island of Discussion

The Amazing Island of Discussion
 
It sure seems that we are dealing with an extraordinary amount of conflict, argument, disagreement and just plain meanness in our world today.  Political and philosophical divides have widened.  Social media has provided a “safe” venue for anyone with a computer and internet to express any thought or belief, without interpersonal communication. 
 
Those with differing opinions are reduced to a profile picture.  The goal is to squash them, to put them in their place, maybe to win them over, though I don’t really think most want to win others over as much as they want to feel right or smart.
 
Maybe we need to take a lesson from history to improve relationships and resolve conflicts?
 
There is a small rather desolate ancient island in Scotland upon which people who had a dispute were marooned until they came to a resolution of their conflict.
 
Ellean a’ Chomhraidh, aka the “Island of Discussion”, is in the southern portion of Loch Leven, not far from Glencoe, Scotland.  For 1500 years, the island served as the ultimate conflict management resource.
 
When there was a significant conflict between people in the region, both parties would be taken to the island, dropped off with a portion of cheese, whiskey and oat cakes, and left there until they came to a mutual agreement. 
 
The island consists of a few trees and a lot of rocks and brush.  As a location it is unremarkable. 
 
The two parties would have to interact.  They would drink the whiskey and eat the cheese and oat cakes, forming a mutual bond and understanding, not the least of which was that to get off the desolate island they would have to work together and reach an agreement.
 
When emotion is high and the motivation to resolve a conflict is low, the most likely outcome is an increase in conflict, possibly to the point where it can never be resolved.
 
However, if conflict is caught early enough, and if the parties involved can sober themselves, reduce emotion, listen and seek understanding, anything is solvable.
 
Imagine being rowed out to a tiny island with someone you currently hate.  You’re handed a bottle of whiskey, a block of cheese wrapped in linen, and a small stack of oat cakes.  There is nothing on the island except a couple trees.
 
You walk from the beach into the brush.  You look at your rival.  They sneer at you.  This isn’t going to go well.  Maybe you shout that you will never agree to anything with Bob (were going to call your rival Bob).  Bob yells back that you are the vilest human on the earth. 
 
You choose a flat-topped rock and sit down.  Bob finds a nice log to rest on.  You sit, and sit, and sit.  Neither of you touches the food or whiskey.  It sits on the ground between you.
 
Hours pass.  It’s cold.  The wind picks up.  And as the daylight wains so does your resolve.  The realization that it will be a cold night sets in.  Even more sobering is that this will just be the first night unless you find a solution, and the food will run out soon.
 
So, you say to Bob, “I suppose we should get a fire started so we don’t freeze to death”.  Bob says, “I suppose we should”.  Suddenly there is a mutual need and a joint mission.  Bob says he will go find some wood and you say you will start trying to get a coal started from some fire tinder.
 
You get a good spark and coax the flames to life.  Bob builds the fire up with the scrap wood he has scavenged.  Soon the fire is high and hot.  Success!
 
You lay out the food and pass the whiskey.  Night falls and all that can be seen is the glow of your faces in the light of the fire.
 
In this new environment of reduced emotion, cooperation and outright survival, you suddenly have more in common than you did just a short time ago.  Most of all, the realization has hit that what you have most in common is the desire to get off this island tomorrow.
 
So you talk, about where the conflict came from, about your biggest interests, and slowly you work your way to a mutual agreement.  The rest of the night until you fall asleep you tell stories and remember past adventures.
 
In the morning a boat comes for you.  You then sail or row to the Island of Covenant, 1.25 miles away to formalize your new agreement.  You row back to Glencoe and go back to life, feeling calm and satisfied.
 
We have lost a world in which people are forced to interact face to face.  For the most part we live in a world in which the awareness of our need for each other to mutually survive is gone.
 
Often there is no reason to resolve conflict.  Instead cowards attack from the safety of their computer.  Cancel culture has created an environment in which it is entertainment to hide behind electronics and destroy another person.  It doesn’t matter if it is truth or justice.  The power to destroy has been given to bodiless entities that have no knowledge of or care for the damage they inflict…until it happens to them.
 
We really should take a lesson from the Island of Discussion, where sworn enemies can look each other in the face, with the knowledge that they either both win or they both lose, then work together, find they have more in common than they don’t, and leave the island together with their conflict resolved and their understanding and respect for each other increased.

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​Bill Taylor is a former NCAA I Director and Head Coach, with 30-years of incredibly successful athletic coaching experience.  Bill has a masters degree in conflict management  and  has a passion for seeing people reach levels of performance and success they never dreamed of.  He now uses his experience building athletic champions to impact leaders and executives in all roles and organizations as an Executive and Leadership Coach for Limitless Capability. Bill can be reached at: [email protected].